Foster carer stories
Listen to some of our current foster carers and their experiences since they’ve been fostering
Listen to some of our current foster carers and their experiences since they’ve been fostering
Let us introduce you to some of the wonderful people who decided to foster with us. Listen to their experiences of fostering, hear about the children they have looked after over the years and get advice on what others considering fostering may want to know.
April was in the care system as a child before she made the transition into foster carer - listen to her story in her own words.
Cover slide showing the text "Fostering & Adoption with Derby City Council" and the Derby City Council logo.
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo, and the question "How did you feel when you first went into care?"
The screen fades and a Caucasian woman appears, sitting on a chair in front of a frosted glass window. She has blonde hair and is wearing a light blue shirt with a black blazer. A small white banner at the bottom of the screen says “April, Foster Child”.
So when I was first gone into care at the time then I was feeling very lost and wasn't quite sure where I actually belonged at the time. And then I'm moving in with John and Juliette. It gave me some sort of belonging. I felt very grounded, I felt very safe. Felt like I had a lot of stability, I felt like I was part of the family and that that's where I actually belonged at that time.
Kind of knew where I was going to go in regards to my future path - I knew whatever I wanted to do I could achieve with their support. And at that time I think at that point when I actually moved in with them and knew exactly where I was it was, I knew that was going to be my stable home. It was I knew then that I was going to remain safe and things were going to be bright, the future was going to be great and here I am today. You know, 12 years later and happy and it's because of them that I am who I am today.
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo, and the question "What are your early memories of going into foster care?"
The screen then fades and April returns to the screen.
My very earliest memory with moving in with John and Juliette was a day where Juliette helped me unpack all my belongings and she was actually quite shocked at how little I actually had. And she obviously questioned why I didn't have what I had and I really couldn't give her any explanation and I remember the first thing she said "right what we need to do is we need to go and get you all the things you need, what do you need".
She also explained to me you know you're going to get X amount of pocket money, I think at the time was what about ten pound a week which I thought "wow this is great", and she said "right well every month, you'll get a certain amount of money to spend on yourself or whatever you choose that to be, and that will be mainly your clothes or your toiletries, anything that you really desire to have". And that then was quite overwhelming in the fact that I thought "oh hang on a minute I've literally spent quite a lot of my life with barely anything and now I feel like I'm rich at the time".
(April laughs)
And obviously the time as well I remember the room that I moved into even though it wasn't made for me, it was a guest bedroom obviously, because they haven't got anybody living with them at the moment but their own child you know. I thought "wow I've got a double bed", even though it wasn't made for me, I thought I could make this mine, you know.
And that to me was something I'll never forget that day, and you know all my boundaries were put in place, and I felt like at the time then as well, we felt like a family, we got to eat together, we got to you know just do things sit and watched telly, which for me was such a huge thing because I didn't really watch telly with anybody I was always on my own.
Or even going to things like food shopping, that was such you know a big thing, I'd not really been in a supermarket with an adult for years. But also one of the biggest things as well is the fact that for birthdays and Christmas it was something to be celebrated again. I've never celebrated my birthday or Christmas with anybody. Yes I got gifts, but there were for me on my own so it was something I've always looked forward to and Christmas dinner. Juliette cooks an amazing Christmas dinner.
(April laughs)
You know, it was just such a great family affair really and always felt included in everything that they did, you know. And from that day they've always supported me, and even till today now, which is ten years, on they still support me now in everything I do.
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo, and the question “How was living with your foster parents?”
The screen fades and April returns to the screen.
Living with John and Juliette enabled me to live independently. They were always very supportive, but always allowed me to be independent and do things for myself. Which even at the age of 15, moving in with them was still a great thing, because that's enabled me/nurtured me in to becoming the adult I am today.
So all them basic tasks that you need to do when you're an adult and you live independently, they enabled me to do that.
So I didn't need to learn them things, but they enabled me to support myself, so they gave me the responsibility of looking after my own finances, doing my own washing, my own ironing, cleaning in my own bedroom, you know buying my own toiletries. Down to little things like that something that you need, but it just enabled me to be able to be independent.
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo, and the question “What is your relationship like now with your foster parents?”.
The screen fades and April returns to the screen.
So it has been 10 years now since I moved out from John and Juliette's family home, and went on to live independently. But even now 10 years on, we've still got a great relationship.
We don't see each other on a regular basis due to you know, life itself, but I always know that they're there.
But one of the biggest memories is obviously John walked me down the aisle on my wedding day almost five years ago, and his children were my bridesmaid and pageboy. Again that was something so special.
You know it was great that John had agreed to give me away, because it's one of them days you just always remember. But like I say as well, also you know, I know that they're always there and another thing that we do is great, which is every Christmas I go there for a couple of hours with my husband and my three children and it's just great just having them couple of hours to still spend that time together, and know that they are still there, and they are still a part of my family, and I'm part of theirs and know that there always on the end of the phone.
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo and the text: "For more information and to find out how to become a Derby City Council foster carer or adopter, visit derby.gov.uk/fostering derby.gov.uk/adoption".
John is one of our experienced foster carers - listen to his story here.
Cover slide showing the text "Fostering & Adoption with Derby City Council" and the Derby City Council logo beneath it.
The cover slide changes to say “What was the original trigger and why did you decide to foster?”
The screen fades to show a middle aged Caucasian man sitting on a sofa against a grey wall. He has a pillow with a dog picture on next to him and he is wearing a bright blue adidas t-shirt with white stripes.
A white banner fades into view front of him. It says “John Whitby, foster carer” and then fades away.
There wasn't any one particular trigger. I remember my wife's uncle fostering a probably a 10, 11 year-old lad, and we met them in Suffolk or Kent or somewhere down south. And I remember that impressing us both and maybe becoming part of our consciousness for the first time, the whole concept of fostering.
And then with her being a teacher at a school that I suppose it was a relatively deprived school, that must have created a few discussions between us as well.
So yeah, I don't think there's one particular moment over maybe over the course of a year or so. It would have been something we would have just talked about and kicked around, and then I must have made a phone call - I can't remember, it it's a long time ago now. And then, and then we started the process.
But I suppose we were always interested in doing something that was a good thing. You know I've not been dealt a bad hand in life, I'm always been conscious of that and there's plenty of people who haven't had that luxury.
So I suppose it's almost a case of you want to do, you wanna do something that's going to help
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle, is the text "What have you enjoyed about being a foster carer?”.
The screen then fades away and returns to John sat on the sofa.
It's a great thing to see people who have come from a very desperate position, often give them some stability, give them a chance.
So I suppose that was always the the motivation to give people a chance, who probably had very little, or less before, more supportive school.
I suppose with the the children we generally had certain long-term placements there they've all been teenagers. They've generally been 14, 15, when they've come to us.
So I suppose there's less chance to sort of really mould them academically, but we've, I think we've helped a bit with that as well to be honest, even in a couple of years. To sort of give people more, more inputs, more support from their schooling, because the bottom line is, the better they do at school the more chance they've got for the rest of their lives.
But we've got the luxury with teenagers of seeing them move on and and being in touch with them afterwards, and knowing that certainly the vast majority of them we know we still keep in touch, and we know that they're doing pretty well.
So I suppose that's the, that's the best thing, that's the best thing
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle is the text "How has it impacted your life?”.
The screen then fades away and returns to John sat on the sofa.
It's hard to remember when we didn't do it, it's that long ago now. So it really is just part of our lives now.
Yeah at times it's been pretty tough, there's no doubt about it. It's obviously more, more complication, more things to think about.
And logistically you know, you've gotta be conscious of who's gonna be where in the house and who's doing what, and you know bedrooms and stuff, safeguarding.
So there's an impact I suppose, as always there's always something to consider, but like I say it's just become normal we've done it for so long now but yeah it's hard to remember what it was like before.
I mean, we, our first foster child was the first child in the house. Our own kids came after. So yeah it's been a long time now.
That was a huge step, of the first child, that absolutely is a huge step and that was that was the biggest impact as well. But like anything, you do something for the first time, you're not exactly sure how it is going to go, you're finding your feet a little bit but after that you become, yeah becomes more normal.
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo on the bottom. In the middle is the text "How was it fostering children alongside your own children?".
The screen then fades away and returns to John sat on the sofa.
My children have been brought up more or less always having a foster child in the house.
Again we've had to consider I suppose ages, and up until relatively recently, if you take, if we'd taken teenagers they've always been a lot older than my kids.
But yeah, they, they've known nothing else. So I suppose the impact on them, it's hard to say because they've nothing to compare it to. I think they would find it a bit odd if there wasn't someone else in the house almost, because that's all they've known.
They've always got on more or less without exception with the, the foster kids. Like I say they've always been a lot older. Of course that gap is narrowing now, and there's only a couple of years between our present child, young person, and my daughter, so, but they get on so well. And the guy that's with us now is just you know a fantastic human being
A white screen with the Derby City Council logo fades in. Text in the middle of the screen says "Do you still keep in touch with your foster children?".
It then fades back to John on the sofa.
Yes. We've kept in touch with a few of them. I think all but probably one of them to be honest we still have contact with. And even one of the the young people who we had respite with still keep in touch with.
And she actually did the interview with the telegraph recently with me, which was very good of her. But you know that's that's the payoff to me the fact that you keep in touch, you know how they're doing, you know they're doing well.
One of them who lived here for three and a half, four years, I gave her away at her wedding, which was very special.
All the family went, but she was part of this family for a long time. But yeah, that was a real, real privilege and she's doing well and yeah. So the others that we know of, all doing well, moving forward, contributing to society, working, you know that's a good place for a lot of kids who've come from the care system.
I suppose the attainment isn't always that high, sadly. But it's great to keep in contact and know they're okay and they'll contact us if they need to and they do and that's absolutely fine.
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo and the text: "For more information and to find out how to become a Derby City Council foster carer or adopter, visit derby.gov.uk/fostering derby.gov.uk/adoption".
Graham and his wife Sarah were approved as foster carers in 2015.
Cover slide showing the text "Fostering & Adoption with Derby City Council" and the Derby City Council logo.
The cover slide changes to say “What was the original trigger and why did you decide to foster?”
The screen fades to show a middle aged man with short grey hair and black glasses. He is wearing a checked black and white shirt and is against a cream wall.
So our youngest child had just started school, just about to start school and my wife, and I were talking about what the next season of life was going to look like for us, particularly for her because she had been at home..
And she felt that fostering was something that would fit in with our family and would work for us together, and as we started to investigate it, we felt it was something that would would be right for us would fit in well for our family and for our kids. And so we took that step of finding out more, asking some questions and beginning the process of training and assessment.
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle, is the text "What have you enjoyed about being a foster carer?".
The screen fades away to show Graham again.
It has been great actually being a fostering family, we've really enjoyed that, and we've got to meet lots of different people from different backgrounds and different situations, and we've had the opportunity to make a difference even perhaps a small difference in some young people's lives and that's been really encouraging to do.
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle, is the text "What type of fostering have you been involved in?".
The screen fades away to show Graham again.
So throughout our assessment process and training, we were considering the question "what sort of fostering could we do", and we decided to offer respite for disabled children and for babies.
We had a number of babies that came to us over a period of time and got to know another little boy as well, that we were able to help give some respite to his family.
And then we had one baby that kept coming back to us over a number of months and in the end we got asked if we could have him on a longer term basis while his future was sorted out so he's been with us for a longer time now.
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle, is the text "What support have you had from Derby City Council?".
The screen fades away to show Graham again.
Right throughout the process of our assessment and training, we got to know our supervising social worker and she has been outstanding.
She did a really good job in terms of helping us through the initial process, and then she's been with us every step of the way with a different children that we've fostered and different situations and circumstances that we've come up with against.
She's always been there for us on the end of a phone or an email and has offered outstanding support, and it's great to have contact with other members of the department as well, and they've also been able to help us as and when we've needed it
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle, is the text "How was it fostering alongside your own children?".
The screen fades away to show Graham again.
One of the questions that we had was "how was fostering going to impact our own children", and we didn't know until we started.
Obviously throughout the assessment and training process, we were talking to them about it - asking them lots of questions, they were inputting in.
Our social worker was meeting them on quite a regular basis, but they were all really excited about it. They wanted to go and make a difference for another young person another child.
So they were really keen that we became a fostering family, and it is something that we've done as a family. It hasn't just been something that Sarah and I have done, but rather it is something that we've done as a family.
How it is quite gonna work out in practice, we didn't really know but once we started fostering, they were really excited about it. They loved spending time with the children that have come through our home, and actually they've made a massive difference in other people's lives.
We can see the change in one particular boy that we've fostered. We can see the change in him, particularly because of the way our children have interacted with him and played with him and sorting things, and so actually our experience is it's been a great blessing for us as a family.
A white screen fades in, with the Derby City Council logo at the bottom. In the middle, is the text "What would you say to someone considering fostering with Derby City Council?".
The screen fades away to show Graham again.
I think it's very easy to write yourself off for fostering, for whatever reason say "no I couldn't do it" or "we couldn't do it, it wouldn't work".
My advice would be "why not answer the question, why not take the next step, come along to recruitment evening, meet some other foster carers, meet some of the social work team, and find out maybe it could work for you and your family. Maybe you could make a real difference".
Slide showing the Derby City Council logo and the text: "For more information and to find out how to become a Derby City Council foster carer or adopter, visit derby.gov.uk/fostering derby.gov.uk/adoption".
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